In my very young childhood until about five I had naturally curly hair, which then turned into wavy, frizzy hair around age ten or eleven, and from that time this was another thing I felt insecure about! I straightened my hair a few times in sixth and seventh grade and by eighth grade I was straightening my hair on a regular basis! For the past ten years or so I have kept my hair straight, and the times I let my hair be natural I had a deep insecurity inside! I would be at work or church and would imagine what other people must be thinking because my hair was in its natural state…”Wow, she’s really not pretty” or “I don’t like her as much because she isn’t very pretty!” I felt insecure and would assume I knew what other people were thinking, which then reinforced the lie I had already believed; I wasn’t pretty enough… the root lie being “I am not enough.”
This past winter the Lord spoke to me about the way He saw my physical appearance and in that moment He also spoke to me about my hair! He used this verse…
…And the hair of your head is like purple; (Song of Solomon 7:5)
I moved to Washington DC about nine months ago! Someone I knew came to town, we met up and within the first hour she said to me “You straightened you hair.” This was a really weird thing for me to hear her say… I had known her for over two years and the majority of those two years she had seen my hair straightened! Not too long after that someone who I didn’t know very well, said to me “You straightened you hair.” Although I did not know him very well, he had still seen my hair straightened probably more often than not and had never made a comment before! I then began not to straighten my hair as often and something started to happen…I began to get compliment after compliment on my hair! My friend even said to me “Meghan I love when you wear your hair curly, it’s just so you!”
About a month ago I went to turn my straightener on and it would not turn on; I could tell something broke underneath on the “ON” button! I still tried plugging it in in a different outlet; I tried praying for it ….nothing. I held onto it for a couple weeks in hopes that it would turn on again but it never did! The funny thing is this same straighter had fallen in a sink full of water before and still turned back on, but not this time….I had to wonder if this was a God thing!
Less than two weeks ago as I was talking with someone whom I respect, I mentioned this inner struggle and she said something like “Your hair is pretty straightened, but your natural hair is even more so because that’s what God chose for you”. That was a turning point for me I think. This time something in my heart changed and started to take root! Her sincere compliment cut to my heart and for the first time I was able to see for myself that my frizzy (sometime more than others) wavy/sometimes curly hair wasn’t something to be ashamed of but in fact did portray me, who I am really am! What God has been telling me over and over the past six or seven months finally started to get to my heart! You see this whole thing with my hair is really a heart issue of mine! There is nothing wrong with straightening my hair but what God saw was something in my heart that needed to be changed! Simply stopping to straighten my hair would not have fixed the problem… I know that because I tried it! The problem wasn’t surface level, and couldn’t be healed by a surface level change; the change needed to be in my heart from the very One who created my heart!
I have started to ask God to give me His eyes when I look in the mirror, to restore my curls (because they aren’t nearly as curly as when I was very young), and to take away the frizzy-ness! I am going to ask Him to help me to love my hair, see the beauty in my hair and to know and understand why He chose the hair He did for me!
This article and testimony with the Lord goes much deeper than just hair… it is an issue of the heart! It is a testimony to how well God knows each of us, and how far He will go time and time again to bring the truth that our hearts are desperately longing for and need! It is a testament to how intimate of a relationship He desires to have with us, and I for one am growing in intimacy with Jesus through this process! In my opinion the real process in my heart has just begun in this specific area! All the things I mentioned in this article that I did struggle with, I still do, and sometimes I fall but I am on the upward path to freedom! I am running and dancing with the very One who created me and I am becoming who I was truly designed to be!
One last thought! What Jesus is doing through this testimony with my hair is actually a part of a larger testimony! Jesus is declaring to me “You are enough”….just you… nothing added, YOU are good enough!”