I just love when my friend, Dee writes on any subject. She has a way of taking you to the depths of her despair and and instantly lifting you back up onto a fluffy, white cloud. Here are some of her thoughts regarding her journey with food:
It seems that fall is rapidly approaching and I am drinking pumpkin spice chai tea.I would rather have my coffee, but that is the one thing that I can not strip down and refuse to change. I need creamer and some sugar, not rice milk and stevia. You may like yours that way, but I just can’t do it. I want my coffee and I want it now! I deserve it….hmmm sound familiar? We want what we want. We live in a world of instant gratification… “Put it off until tomorrow” we say.” Everyone else gets to have it, why can’t I?” But for some of us, what comes after it is what we don’t like…guilt, weight gain, shame, you fill in the blank.
I have a restricted diet given to my by a nutritionist. Some of you may well know the drill. No gluten, no sugar, no dairy, no preservatives…soy, corn, mold, blah blah blah blah blah.
I see the funny picture on Facebook of an ice cube on a plate with the caption. my gluten, dairy, vegan, non gmo dinner. Ha ha It’s funny….but it’s not. It seems to be my life. At times I analyze my food so much I want to throw the plate across the room. It’s so ridiculous!
I have been up and down with my weight for most of my life. At this point, being over 50 with the metabolism of a snail, and food sensitivities, I want to, no wait I have at times, thrown up my hands and said “I quit’!” I have run 7 days a week, eating 1100 calories a day. I lose a pound, gain a pound. I have done juice fasts, took unknown drops (later it was revealed it was a type of speed) and monkey placenta shots in the rear (what was I thinking there!?) Then there are the low carb diets, high carb Atkins, 21 day diet, Jenny Craig, you name it, I have done it. Oh, and weight watchers 6 times. My closet resembles a rack at the thrift shop….All sizes and styles. I know some of you have been there. It is exhausting. It makes you cry and it seems unattainable. The scale is your enemy and it will determine how your day will go, just by a few little numbers. You can almost hear it saying ” look at you..you can’t do this, you are not good enough, you are weak, why do you bother? Loser.” Then you go eat something you shouldn’t and bam!,the ugly cycle starts up again. Guilt sets in, you hate the way you look, back on a diet you go. Sound familiar?
I have prayed, cried, and begged the Lord for years. I have been transformed by him so radically in every way that it is mind blowing, but still this one area remains… why? Do you feel like this is your one cross that you just need to accept and bear forever? At times I have thought this. Maybe this is how the Lord wants me to be. Wait? what? Am I actually just accepting this? I’m so stinking miserable with this extra weight! Is that what the Lord really wants for me? No!. The christian life isn’t about us being so happy and leaping through fields of flowers daily. It is hard. So hard some days, but we can have joy no matter what we are dealing with. But I believe that He wants us healthy and free from any bondage. Do you think about your weight, what you’re eating constantly and does it affect your life in a negative way? Does your weight keep you from doing what the Lord has called you to do? If only He would change this one area my life would be almost perfect. As I typed out the words almost perfect, it made me stop. Almost perfect. What do those words mean? Why do we seem to strive for perfection? What would life be like without struggles? What if we achieved every goal that we strived for? We would not have to lean on anyone. We would do it all on our own… That my dear ones is the answer. Light bulb moment!. If we had no fears, worries, struggles etc., would we need Jesus? I would think the answer would be no. Sure we love him dearly, but we all know when things are going great we kind of put him on the back burner. We don’t need to dig into our bible constantly, but when the going gets rough what do we do? We carry that bible with us, we are in the word 24/7. We feel like we can’t live a moment without reading. It is air when we are gasping and can’t breathe. It is peace when we shake with fear. It is strength that helps us to hold on when we are hanging on by a thread. That is the solution….Jesus! Not a restrictive diet, not an agonizing exercise plan, just plain Jesus! He made your body. Don’t you think He knows how it works? He knows your struggles,and your pain. He knows how many tears that you have cried over this. Why not let him do the work? Has he not healed the sick? Raised the dead? Created this beautiful earth and everything in it, including you? Why would he not help you with your weight?
Why not start your day with Jesus? Here are a few things that you can do. When you open your eyes thank Him for creating you and thank him for the what He has given you. Beautiful strong hands and feet, a body that is living and breathing. Then name what you like about yourself. Thank you Jesus for my pretty eyes, my kind heart, my curly hair (no negative thoughts). Ask Him to help you in this area. Hand it over to Him..Allow Him to do it. Ask for guidance of what to eat, what type of exercise to do. Listen for what He is saying to you. Ask Him to take any stubbornness. We all want what we want, when we want it. Sometimes our eating is an act of rebellion. Ask Him to reveal the triggers that cause you to want to eat? Take one day at a time. Trust Him. Go to Jesus every time you feel tempted or weak. Read scripture. Sit quietly and just pray. He doesn’t want you to fail. He knows it is hard, but trust that He will be with you every step of the way. You are loved by the one who created the moon and stars,and you! P.S. The pumpkin spice chai tea was actually pretty good